Long time..

I'm listening to "comptine d'un autre ete" - yann tiersen. thank you michelle shin for introducing me to this song; it's calming.

It's been an outrageously long time since i've written. i've had no time, i've not cared, i've not reflected. i don't think busy is a healthy status for me to always be in. it's just not me..i enjoy my time at a slower pace rather than this constant and modern rushing that seems to control the rest of the world. i'm a separate entity from the world altogether, or so i'd like to believe. there is the world and my community and my people and those people, and then there's me, me and my world with my time.

Kevin Real called me innocent today.. because i don't like the dances, because i don't get asked to dances, because i am too tall, because i am in no hurry to communicate with anyone with my back turned, with my back communicating. I think i cared a little too much that he said that though, i had to think it over and debate whether or not it really mattered and what it means to me to be innocent and i concluded that i'd rather be called innocent than naive.

if i had a choice i think i'd spend a lot of time driving to very quiet places and just thinking. i think i'd just cry in a reflective, exhilerating, letting life overwhelm me kind of way, and just falling asleep on the grass, letting myself be part of the world.

i'd even just love a little more time to just stay on here, and write.